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My daughter auctioned me for $3 at her charity gala; before 300 guests, she laughed, “Three bucks for my useless old dad! Who wants him?”; I sat there in silence; then a man in the back stood up: “$1.8 million!”; what he said next made her drop the mic

The chair they gave me had a broken leg. Not broken all the way through, just enough that when I shifted my weight even slightly, it tilted forward with a small metallic complaint like a… 

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